Rondo, Traveler of the Spheres - Journey to Plezbo-9

I

"We have to help Edgardo!" I said. Shez, seemingly transfixed by the hole into which Tipo the fat had vanished, rubbed himself absent mindedly. There was another explosion, and Edgardo ran in, dragging Popula's Golden Perambulator in with him. "We have to get out of here! There are too many transexuals, and they've taken Della!" This seemed to shake Shez out of his daze. "The cunts! No one takes my ship!" He "cocked" his penis-laser, striking a pose. 'Let's go kill us some tranny ass!'. And with that, he went dashing into the hall, Edgardo prancing after him, his hairy tail wagging in excitement. I was so lost in confusion that I forgot I was a living organism, and instead likened myself to a table, or a chair.


I was halfway through the idea that I had either a vase on me or a table cloth, when the clatter of vinegar bottles startled me. "Fucking tranny scum!" I heard Shez exclaim from the hall. I rushed out, only to see Shez and Edgardo urinating on the remaining members of the senate. The floor was strewn with a helter-skelter mix of Crystal Penises and vinegar bottles. "You niggers - " began the Viscount Prince, when his mouth was filled with urine. He gagged and sputtered. "We ought to get out of here" suggested Edgardo. Shez, buttoning his space trousers, agreed readily, and before long we were all aboard the Della Cruscan, our prisoners trussed up in the cargo hold. "Edgardo, set a course for Plezbo 9. We can rendezvous with the resistance there and gather more provisions before we go after Sh'boobla." Edgardo set the ship into motion and we were out of the domed chamber quicker than two shakes of a Lesbian-Orca Woman's engorged membranes. "How will we know where to find him?" I asked. "Who?" inquired Shez, who had been distracted by his erection. "Sh'boobla, obviously." "Well, obviously - " responded the space pirate, "He'll have gone to Tweenus 14. His gold planet on the outer rim." Edgardo laughed, but I wasn't at all amused. "Tweenus 14 is a myth created by anti-imperialists. There is no golden planet. It's a myth. A - a consipiracy!" Shez appraised my face. His one good eye seemed to stare right into my brain. "Don't worry", he said "You'll see." And with that we were nearing Plezbo, it's blue and purple moons twinkling in the distance. I was in desperate need of a rest.

II


The encampment on Plezbo 9 was a whir of excitement, which almost sent me reeling. I was about to collapse on a corg of Mole-fish eggs, when Prince Prespa came charging up to me, his longsword drawn, and his Ortigan disemboweling cutlass poised. "Where the hell is the Emperor?" The bald headed warrior's face was so close to mine we could have kissed, a thought which made me shudder in disgust. "What's wrong with you?" he screamed. "Calm down there, your princeship." Shez had a unique sense of timing when it came to rescuing me. Transsexuals and mutant space Octopi are deadly things indeed, but I had never felt more grateful to have known the space pirate in this instant. The Prince was a formidable character. "The Emperor escaped us. We've brought the court though. Popula is with them." The prince thought about it. "Very well. We may be able to gather information from him." With a final glare from the bald pated Prince, he turned dramatically on his boots, and was off into the debriefing tent. "I need a good bath!" said Shez. Edgardo roared in agreement, and so we were off to the douching tent. The tent was filled with young men, poised ready with towels and other accoutrement.
"Please remove your clothes" asked one of them. Another handed us all towels, and a third led us into the bathing chambers. The bath was enormous, big enough for more than ten people at any given time. Fortunately it was just the three of us. The water was intoxicating, spiced with scented oils and frothed with soap bubbles. I was about to wander off into my own thoughts, when Shez interrupted them. "I wonder if they'll be able to get the location of Tweenus from Popula." "They won't", I responded "because it doesn't exist." Shez smiled "Oh ye of little faith! Those interrogation droids can be quite persuasive. I bet you a million corgs of Fat-Fish eggs that not only will he tell us it exists, but that he'll show us how to get there. The debriefing is tonight, they don't expect him to last long under that kind of torture. I wouldn't risk my mortality for a fat blob like Sh'boobla." He was right about that, I thought. The debriefing was tonight, and I was in no rush to be there. One of the douching boys clapped his hands, and three more entered, ready to massage our troubles away, but there was still doubt gnawing at my mind, and I - Oh! Oh, that felt so good!