Chapter Three: Another chapter

It's all a lie, a great big lie! I do have asthma! I do!
- Eddie Caspbrak

When I look back on all the things I could have done with my life, I get uncomfortable, and I have to shift my legs a bit. The same sensation occurs whenever I have to urinate. Is there a connection between my past and my bladder? I find passing water increasingly difficult as I progress in my age. It involves a very stern push on occasion, which may be a result of not keeping up with my kegels routine. I long for the days when urinating required no forethought or effort to expel the golden fluids from my bladder. This sudden "burst" of nostalgia brought the phrase "Blast from the past" to mind. But the Urban Dictionary has given it a different meaning:

BLAST FROM THE PAST - The act of giving your grandfather a blowjob and having him ejaculate in your mouth.

"Hey dude, you want to hang out?"
"No thanks man, I'm going over to my Grandpa's for a blast from the past."

Useless. So looking back on happier days of carefree pee, I wish I'd have payed more mind to Kegels. I shall regret that to the day I die of health complications due to a callused bladder. My legs are doing that thing again. Talk about "Southern Discomfort".

I'm leaving you now.

Byeee.